Day 274:

Finally found a friend that is worthy of my time. I gave them a puppy, as with the last friend. Received strange look and was asked for cash.
We do all kinds of fun things together! Walks in the park, build robots and make goo creatures out of corn starch. At least this one eats my muffins. 
Only costs $20 an hour to keep them around. It's worth it to have a friend... finally.